how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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