Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
