Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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