I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
