This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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