I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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