Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
