I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
