yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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