I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
