I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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