OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
