About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
