On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
