I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
