Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
