Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
