Grow some girl-balls and come out already
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She bit a glass in half.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
