My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
