Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
