what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
