it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
