What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
