Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
