My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
