Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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