i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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