Don't make out with my wife yet
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
