I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
