I can tuck mytits in my pants
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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