but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
