I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
