i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why do cheetos always look like penises
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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