i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
