dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
