my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
