He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
