my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
