i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
