he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
