Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
