Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
