My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
