my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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