Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
