yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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