fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
