i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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