You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
