can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
where does the pee come out of this thing
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
