omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
