you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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