This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
