I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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