yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
