I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
