So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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