It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
