I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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