it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
