apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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