you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
