Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
