If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
