WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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