I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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